Sunday, April 16, 2006
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the beginning of my end.or so.
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got up today at quarter past six.thought perhaps it would increase my chances of being early.
finished getting ready at six forty.the day was fine and it looked like i would be very early and mdm er would be happy with me.very happy.
i wished more than anything for her to smile at me for the first time in my life.
and so i went down and had the biggest school breakfast of the year.
one roti prata fried with butter and sugar,and one cup of milo.on normal days it'd be just the milo.
and so i finished that and went out to look.the sky was a lovely blended shade of purple,pink and blue.
and so like this i waited for mum to come down and marvel at how early i was compared to other days.i could almost see how amazed she would be.
my brother came and said he'd be going with me on the way to school.i was fine with that;i was early after all.
on and on i waited,till the clock on the wall said it was seven.it was five minutes fast,i thought,all she has to do is come now.
and then my aunt came.awfully portly she was,but my aunt nonetheless.then my other bro.i felt a sense of foreboding,and went up to check.
and on the way,i thought to myself the irony of the whole thing.i woke up to be early,but i was going to be late for waking up early.
my sister was in mum's bed asleep and my mother was in the bath.she came out,and shooed me off.she looked at me when she was scolding sis and i.i wondered if she hated me...
five minutes past seven princess sister finally sauntered into the car.my eyes were now shining with water.in she came and after that we set off.
ten minutes to seven we reached their school.they got off and it took them one minute.they're kids,mum said.
and after that we set off for my school.traffic was an absolute (c**t),but in the end we made it out.by the time we passed that it was fifteen minutes to seven.five more minutes,and i was fried chicken.
and then,a miracle happened.
mum shot off at an amazing speed,and in five minutes i was there.during that time my teeth were on my lower lip and i thought that however weak they were they would cause me to taste blood soon.but there we were.the clock hesitated at seven nineteen for a little while,before turning to twenty past seven.
there,i told myself.late the second time this year,and it's all their fault.but no.
the second miracle showed itself.i got up and ran.ran at subhuman speed.ran the fastest i ever ran before.but i was stopped.stopped by the teacher.stopped by the vice president who turned around and raised her right hand in such a way to produce a force field over the foyer,that i could not come in.
words could not express the sadness i felt while the national anthem,pledge and school song were played out.i could not speak properly.i could not stand properly.i wanted the shining liquid in my eyes to spill out,so as to make known to the world how terrible i felt.but no,i had to be strong.those who committed seppuku knew this,and even at their final moment showed no signs of pain even after seeing their own guts all over the floor.likewise,i willed myself to be the iron maiden i showed the world i was.yes,i was strong.if i showed i was impenetrable i had to be impenetrable.i was strong,i was invincible,i was vivi nefertari.and it would never change.
the latecomers behind me and another girl who came seconds after myself walked towards us two.the teacher said to not come close to us;for we weren't late.
we were released,and though i felt a small surge of happiness,it didn't last longer than two seconds.my heart started to hurt like crazy,and i thought of a six-year-old gaara asking his uncle why it hurt so much while clutching his chest where his heart was.
the teachers took their leave.each cast a dirty look at me.i wasn't late,i wanted to scream.i wasn't late at all!when i wanted to make my way back to class,mdm er stopped me.
she asked why i was late.i replied that she could ask my mother,but the way it came out was so choked up and soft that i doubt she heard anything that made sense at all.
my aching heart felt grabbed,and squeezed,and i wanted more than ever to cry.
i stopped myself again.mdm er,we all knew,had a habit of bullying people.to see people cry was a kind of privilege,then,to her.i would not give her that luxury.she told me she'd deal with me later,and sent me back to class.
and that was when i nearly broke down completely.i couldn't breathe properly,and i felt a stream of youknowwhat come out my nose.my classmates asked if i was fine/needed a tissue,and i said no.strong as i was,when my eyes met dione's,i felt i could hold it no longer.but it never came.she could tell i was in great pain,and sent in a letter to ask why i felt that way,whether it was mdm er,and a couple of other questions that i can't remember now.and i told her everything.
exeunt character, 11:24 PM
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